Chuppah

Chuppah M.J.L.

Most observant Jews are confused when they see the news of an Orthodox-ordained Rabbi celebrating LGBTQ self-identifying individuals. Some may begin to wonder about the truth of Torah. If the Torah is demanding the impossible of a person in this situation, where else might the Torah be demanding the impossible? What else might soon be minimized or dismissed by respected voices? What does such widespread celebration mean for our respect for traditional marriage?

Those who are concerned should know that a movement is emerging which is successfully and directly confronting that challenge and bringing needed clarity on the LGBTQ issue with clear Torah and scientific principles.

First of all, despite claims to the contrary, there is no hard evidence that anyone is “born this way.” However, there is plenty of evidence of the impact of the LGBTQ community in convincing people they are. They are being told by the LGBTQ world that they do not have free will to make the choices they might wish to make and that anyone who disagrees is homophobic.

We are living in a most challenging cultural environment in the West. In the US, thirty percent of young women age 18-27 are now self-identifying as somewhere on the LGBTQ spectrum, when that was once a negligible percentage. In the Ivy League schools thirty to fifty percent of all students are so identifying. The less observant Jewish world has embraced and celebrates LGBTQ culture. Americans fund organizations in Israel that support and influence Israeli culture to be LGBTQ supportive.

Within the observant Jewish world there are now a number of ordained Rabbis who are celebrating with the LGBTQ community. One liberal yeshivah’s clergy, following organization policy, are officiating at lesbian marriage ceremonies. Even within the haredi world there is confusion. The head of one of the leading counseling schools and seminaries in Israel states that some people are just born this way and there is nothing to be done. But Torah truth is emerging and the tide is turning.

There are a number of clear signs that Torah and scientific clarity are returning. It certainly helps that the current US administration is pushing back against DEI. Those impacts are felt across the globe. In the observant Jewish world, positive steps are underway and some would,like to change the meaning of the acronym, LGBT, to Life Grounded in Biblical Teaching.

Chabad has been and continues to be a steadfast leader in providing clarity. There is a letter on the matter from the Rebbe where he cites the Rambam – who says “it is entirely a matter of will and determination.“ The Rebbe says that the basic principle of free will is violated by people who think they are born this way and can’t change. The Rebbe goes on to use the example of a person who is tempted to steal. He points out that we certainly don’t encourage a kleptomaniac because we obviously don’t encourage a person along those desires and tendencies. (paraphrasing) So why would we encourage a person’s homosexual behavior? He notes that Hashem has given a person powers to overcome the difficulty, “no matter how extraordinary.” Chabad Rabbi and relationship expert, Manis Friedman has an explanatory line in one of his videos on the topic of same sex attraction, “if people weren’t tempted to do sexual activities that were prohibited, there would be no reason for boundaries in the Torah.”

Those who feel they cannot overcome the tendency despite help, must live lives of self control, as Rabbi Feldman of Ner Yisrael and Rabbi Meidan of Har Etzion have said, no matter how difficult.

What is available?

The Jewish Family Forever organization has been teaching hundreds of Rabbis, teachers and therapists how to discuss same sex attraction from a Torah and scientific perspective including the challenges if a person self-identifies by their current sexual desire. Jewish Family Forever’s mission is to empower individuals in making free choices, devoid of fixed labels, which can give them the tools and confidence they need to pursue traditional heterosexual marriage and live in accordance with their own Jewish values.” (from the Jewish Family Forever website)

Rabbi Yitzchak Breitowitz, senior lecturer at Yeshivas Ohr Somayach and Rav of Kehillat Ohr Somayach in Jerusalem and formerly the Rabbi of the Woodside Synagogue in Silver Spring, Maryland, and Professor of Law at the University of Maryland Law School is the Rabbinic Advisor to Jewish Family Forever. He has given numerous lectures on the foundational importance of the traditional family and he is as clear as the Rebbe in his approach to the challenge. He encourages those who need help to seek counseling from those who have Torah and scientific clarity.

One of his main go-to counselors is Dr. Koby Frances who is also the education consultant to Jewish Family Forever. Dr. Frances’s webinars and teaching programs have had hundreds of participants including Rabbis, teachers, therapists, and counselors. His latest videos which were featured on the Yiboneh organization’s website and have had over 12,000 views with hundreds of positive responses.

There is more. One of the largest seminaries in Israel is preparing their incoming students upfront for the current cultural wave which they are experiencing using both Dr. Frances’s and other materials.

In Israel, there are quite a number of organizations working in support of the traditional family structure and educating for clarity. Choosing Family or Boharim BaMishpacha, is a branch of Hotam. This organization under the direction of Rabbi Michael Foa, serves to remind the State of Israel not to retreat from traditional Jewish values formally adopted by the State’s founders in official legislation. They are both educating their members as well as working with the government to influence traditional family friendly policies. They are working closely with a number of Knesset members who champion their issues.

Israel Family Institute and the organization, Hosen, provide direct counseling services as well as training counselors with these concepts. They provide counseling for those who are seeking a traditional path in life.

In addition, Shovrot Shivion, a religious women’s organization, is working to support the traditional family structure and educate its members.

None of this has anything to do with “conversion therapy.”

Rabbis and counselors across the globe are awakening. No physical, DNA or chemical evidence has been found as a cause of a sexual identity. The overwhelming evidence points to cultural influences as the cause of a person’s self-identification. Once a person self-labels themselves as LGBTQ, it is more difficult for them to find their way back to a traditional path. It creates an identity trap in which a person doesn’t believe they have free will.

Rabbis and counselors are also helping willing clients potentially look at contributing factors. A person who so desires can learn to manage these factors and pursue a traditional marriage leading to a traditional family. As Dr. Frances points out, dating and relationships can be complex and some may struggle to find the right opposite sex partner. Yet those who desire a traditional life can move forward.

The ideology of sexual orientation is threatening the basic foundations of family and society. But brave efforts by all of these organizations are allowing each person to see their unique spiritual, romantic and familial potential.

We are witnessing the dawn of the movement which is removing barriers and paving the way forward for the most important Jewish mission – seeking and God willing, finding, a traditional marriage partner and building a home together.

Yehezkel Schiff is the President of Jewish Family Forever jewishfamilyforever.org

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